October 2024

I love you!

Happy October: we’re entering a new season! The month of September exceeded my wildest hopes and dreams. I savored embracing the light during gloriously sunny days.

Toward the end of the full, richly lived month, I experienced the most spectacular sunset overlooking the harbor in Watch Hill, Rhode Island. The sun was mirrored in the water, a large fire sphere steadily descending downward, becoming invisible. When the vibrancy of the red-orange fireball dropped, the sky fell into darkness. Luckily, the sky didn’t fall on us! I was able to be present, fully focused and engaged in a moment of captured beauty. I intend to keep this transcendent experience alive in my consciousness to enlighten me when the sun sets early.

Now we move into fall; with the fading of light, the leaves are turning and falling. The crisp, cooler temperatures offer a definite vigor. I’m enjoying sweater weather, lighting candles to help keep that vision of the flame alive inside me. The flickering of the light is an antidote to the dimness of natural light as we move into shorter and shorter daylight hours.

The lit candle is a symbol to me to be mindful in the present moment of the importance of being alive. Only now are we able to learn from all experiences. The Zen teacher Jack Kornfield understands that “The quality of presence determines the quality of life.” Be Here Now. We can strive to never let these quiet awakening moments escape our soul’s enrichment.

In addition to my candle ritual, I also ring my mindfulness bell to center my concentration. I still treasure them because they are constant reminders of how precious time is. This is our time alive. How do we want to spend our most precious treasure? Our time on earth is finite. All of us know nothing for certain. Right now, we can own the moment! What a gift. “Live as fully as humanly possible while we can” is a timeless message. There will always be heart-wrenching pain when someone we love is suffering, but when we’re compassionate, we’re drawn to be useful. We’re able to be supportive.

I’m thinking of the 20^th century writer William Saroyan, who wrote The Time of Your Life, published in 1939. This was a turbulent time because of World War II. He wrote, “In the time of your life, live—so that in that good time there shall be no ugliness or death for yourself or for any life your life touches.” We all face the loss of loved ones. The only certainty of life is that death is inevitable. What we don’t know and are endlessly curious about is when? How? Where? Leonardo da Vinci made an astute observation in one of his notebooks that “while we think we’re learning how to live, we’re learning how to die.” The more aware we are of the reality that we have a limited time span on earth and the hourglass goes in one direction, the more inspired we’ll be to seize the moments when they fly by.

The more we embrace life every day, the greater our chances of having a good death. No regrets. But then again, you never know, because anything can happen that is not in our control. There are no guarantees in life.

As contrary as it might seem to many, I joyfully celebrated the 10th anniversary of Peter’s death with both my daughters. There’s no sadness or wishing for any other reality. It was a milestone. I’m loving life with no sense of loss or need because he is not here.

Because of our mutual devotion, we are still Living in Love. We are, and forever will be, intertwined. I feel his invisible hand in my tough choices as well as in my greatest moments of happiness. I feel so deeply blessed by his wisdom and love. When I ask myself, “What would Peter think?” or “What would Peter do?,” I am guided. He supports my happiness.

William Saroyan wrote: “Try to learn to breathe deeply, really to taste food when you eat, and when you sleep, really sleep. Try as much as possible to be wholly alive with all your might, and when you laugh, laugh like hell, and when you get angry, get good and angry. Try to be alive. You will be dead soon enough.” Hear, Hear! As the Chinese saying goes, “It’s later than you think.” I love what the ancient Greek dramatist Sophocles taught us: “Wisdom is the most important part of happiness.”

Wisdom is invaluable in a truly happy, fulfilling life because it guides all our choices. In addition to focusing on what is true, good and beautiful, the wise people who we want to emulate exercise good judgment and a generous amount of common sense. Being present to fully engage in whatever it is we are doing from moment to moment makes perfect sense. Perfect common sense, but we are living in an age of distraction. Our attention span has dramatically diminished in the past 20 years. Anything we can do to strengthen our concentration muscles and build up their endurance will be richly rewarded by the pleasure we’ll get from the process of our activities. When we’re mindful, aware of our breath, we’re able to embrace doing whatever we need to do. Our past experiences have led us today to all the people we’ve ever admired and loved. Whatever the situation calls for, we’ll be given the strength to cope and, because of grace, become wiser.

Recently I received an email from a research editor at Reader’s Digest who was going over some inspirational quotes. She asked if someone could confirm the accuracy of one of my quotes that was published in the digest: “Be kind to yourself, to others and everything around you.”

Kindness is a sphere, chords of helpful vibrations with an aura of goodwill. We usually think of kindness as compassion and empathy toward others. Approximately 50 years ago, I wrote about self-kindness. Because kindness begins in our innermost being, when we truly want to find ways to be helpful, this goodwill will naturally radiate outward and be felt.

When we practice loving-kindness, we naturally feel a greater sense of happiness because we’re open and receptive to doing what we can to help. Our disposition, our attitude, our mood, our energy and our spirit will affect all the people we come in contact with throughout the day. Loving-kindness connects us in life-affirming ways. When someone we love looks into our eyes and says, “I hear you,” we feel a flow of loving energy that gives us hope. We can grow to become more understanding and respectful as we learn more about other people’s struggles.

The president of Rutgers University, Jonathan Holloway, is stepping down because he believes we need to be critical thinkers “in an era of righteousness, an atmosphere in which people have stopped considering whether someone else may be right,” wrote the columnist Pamela Paul in the New York Times. Holloway feels that fundamental changes in the climate of the campus are discouraging. He realized that “the culture of curiosity, the culture of empathy seemed to have gone,” wrote Paul.

Holloway told Paul, “I don’t want to change who I am. It’s gotten me to this point. If I were to change and become hardhearted, I wouldn’t want to be that person.”

Self-kindness is the opposite of self-righteousness. Just as we want to be heard, we can mindfully listen to others and ask questions that help us know more about issues we disagree on and want to find solutions to. When I wrote about self-kindness, there was no internet. There was more accountability for unkind words than there is now online. When we are in an atmosphere of respect and show a genuine interest in other people’s point of view, we collectively become accountable, known, seen and heard. We feel we can take a stand and make a human connection in a caring, diverse environment.

The Dalai Lama is universally respected for his deep awareness of humanity’s suffering. He believes kindness is his true religion. Compassion is key to our ability to be helpful toward others. Because of his warmhearted, jolly nature, he exudes kindness, understanding how important it is to be kind to people with whom we vehemently disagree. His Holiness strongly believes our basic human nature is gentle, peaceful and compassionate. He thinks genuine compassion is based on a recognition that others, like ourselves, want happiness.

I want to practice loving-kindness and open my heart wide. “Be kind” can lead to world peace, one kindness at a time.

It was a warm, sunny September morning. I opened my front door to inhale a whiff of the salty sea breezes gently wafting through the cottage. The village was buzzing with enthusiastic visitors.

Stonington was having an art street fair. White tents were lined up in the middle of Water Street. Shops were open, displaying art in their festively decorated windows and on the sidewalks. Because our street was blocked off to all traffic, there was an unusual sense of calm and quiet where I live, a few books from the commercial areas.

I was in the kitchen in the back end of the cottage helping my son-in-law move my table and chairs. He’d sent a huge, heavy box I had hidden in the butlery as a birthday present for Brooke. To our surprise, there was a woman in the kitchen.

“I’m sorry,” she said, “the door was open and there was a bell as a doorstop. I thought this was a shop open to the public.”

Laughing, I introduced myself and led this lady back to the front door. I invited her three friends to join her. “Come in and have a look around!”

They’d been oohing and aahing over the garden and the blue shutters. Just as they came into the living room, my friend and former mailman Kim appeared in the doorway.

“It’s a party!” I said, smiling at a house full of spontaneous pleasure.

They were wheeling the box on a dolly. “May I help?” said Kim. Kim and Tony put the box in the trunk of his car — the only one on the road. He backed up and drove home on Main Street.

I then noticed a couple carefully examining the door surround. In my exuberance, I invited them to come in! As it turned out, he was an 81-year-old working architect living in the charming town of Watch Hill, Rhode Island. He had just completed a lovely yellow house on the water on a road next to Taylor Swift’s house that leads to the lighthouse.

I love village life! All I have to do is open my front door to feel the positive vibes of the people who deliberately walk on Water Street to soak in all its authentic beauty. 

The art fair drew a big crowd, attracting people from all corners of Connecticut, Rhode Island and Massachusetts. It’s so refreshing to feel the joy of people leisurely sauntering around both sides of the street, taking pictures.

The scenery is constantly changing depending on the light, the season, the weather and the time of day. The houses are cheek to jowl with a view of the harbor between the 18^th, 19^th and 20^th century architecture and well-manicured gardens.

Tom’s News and General Store is definitely the hub, the communication center of the village of Stonington. Walking a few blocks north, I see friends and neighbors on the sidewalk as well as on bikes, in cars and in trucks. While most greetings are brief, some last for hours. Seeing a friend at Tom’s could easily lead to having coffee nearby for a catch-up. I’m living the words of Peter’s Yale roommate who died in World War II: “Around every corner is the adventure of the unknown.”

Village life offers endless, continuous beauty, surprises and serendipitous connections. In Peter’s book Village: Where to Live and How to Live, he wrote, “This is the theme and search of our lives,” asking, “How can we discover our spirit of place?”

While Village was published in 1997, it is more and more relevant to our current lives because of our increasing awareness of how healing and pleasant day-to-day life is when we’re actively engaged in our community, surrounded by the continuous wonders of natural beauty, living a simple, happy life in a small, charming seaside village. I’ve found my spirit of place. I’m able to smell the roses in my tiny front yard and feel joy and peace in a turbulent world.

The No. 1 New York Times bestselling author Kristin Hannah’s new novel The Women, about the women who served in the Vietnam War, is electrifying. She first conceived of writing about this dreadful war in 1997 but felt she wasn’t mature enough to take on such a complex subject. Hannah was in middle school for most of the war and remembers it vividly, saying it left a permanent impression.

Of my friends and acquaintances who have read The Women, each describes the experience as riveting. The first chapter, when Francis (Frankie) McGrath — who was a real person — lived in California in a walled, gated community, begins to get unfluffy when her brother goes to war in Vietnam. She decides to leave her life of privilege and sign up to serve in Vietnam also.

Approximately 10,000 American women served in Vietnam during the war. How is it possible that when Frankie’s brother enlisted to go to serve in Vietnam, her parents were proud; when Frankie dared to also serve, her parents told their friends she was studying in Florence? Frankie joined the Army Nurse Corps in 1965 and bravely served as Lieutenant McGrath for two years, as a military nurse in constant danger. 

Frankie tried to save lives, and when she couldn’t, she held the dying hero’s hand when he took his last breath. Upon her return home to a fiercely divided America, angry protesters spit at her in the airport. Others refused to acknowledge that women had been sent to Vietnam at all.

I’m grateful to Kristin Hannah for digging deep into her research, spending over 25 years writing and interviewing these remarkably courageous women. By listening to their stories of the graphic details of the terror, horror and agony of this unpopular war, she learned the truth about the sacrifices these women made for our country. Frankie found a family, her sisters, and was able to bring many of them together all these years later to have us honor them as our heroes and the heroine Frances McGrath.

In 1993, the sculptor Glenna Goodacre’s Vietnam Women’s Memorial was erected in Washington, D.C., to honor those women’s moving service.

Hannah is a superb storyteller whose fictional account of these women’s bravery, pride and heroism shines through, letting us know, in their words, “We were there.”

I’m on a mission to “get out the vote.” We are all Americans. I feel it is our civic duty to uphold the Constitution and save our democracy. We do this by voting. This presidential election is crucial. Who will uphold the rule of law to lead our country for the next four vitally important years?

Friends and neighbors are gathering to send out thousands of postcards to encourage all citizens to vote. Vote absentee ballot from home. Vote early in person on November 5. Voting is a small price for our priceless freedom. When we all meet our obligations, we all rise together. We are the United States of America. Together we can help each other appeal to our better angels and become more committed to create “a more perfect union.”