January 2024

Happy New Year!

Elissa and I are taking a vacation to spend time with family and friends during the holiday season. I’m writing this month’s newsletter early, in the midst of the pre-Christmas happenings. In order for us to be fully present to let the spirit of Christmas be superabundant, we’re creating free spaces that allow us to overflow with good cheer.

Moving Toward the Light

December 21 was the winter solstice, the shortest day of the year, when the sun was at its greatest distance from the celestial equator. The summer solstice on June 21 is the longest day of the year. The great good news is that we can rejoice — we are moving forward in the light. Expanding direction.

Light the lights, and feel the comfort, love and joy that is the meaning of our holiday festivities. The more sun in our hearts and minds, the greater the enjoyment of the time spent with our loved ones. Because I’m acutely aware of our impermanence, I’m treasuring each and every encounter.

In my 1986 book Living a Beautiful Life: 500 Ways to Add Elegance, Order, Beauty and Joy to Every Day of your Life, on page 107, I wrote:

I’m convinced it is false economy not to have lots of light in winter. The New York Times article suggested that you keep the lights on in rooms you leave so when you reenter the room it will be warm and cheery. It costs more money, but studies indicate it is preventative medicine. There is a rare emotional disorder called seasonal affective disorder, or SAD. As the days grow shorter each fall, people with SAD become increasingly depressed in the winter solstice…. They suffer from irritability and anxiety, they are socially withdrawn and feel less interested in work and play — they’re sleepy and they gain weight. SAD is a disorder I run away from. Light the lights.

I was 45 years old when Living a Beautiful Life was published. I have celebrated dozens of winter wonderlands since then. SAD is no longer a rare disorder. We all experience shifts in our vitality when it inches toward the cold, dark, often bleak of winter. When we want to curl up in our pajamas after the sun goes down mid-afternoon in December, it’s all the more reason to deliberately add light to your home. It’s normal to be afraid of the dark! We should pay attention to how we are feeling. Respond by doing whatever it takes to create a cozy, cheerful home environment that uplifts your spirits. Be light seekers and light bearers by finding brightness in winter to spread light to each other.

I keep night lights on in the kitchen, hall and bathroom. I have lights on during the day at various desks in the cottage until I go to bed. The light entices me to return to an inviting room to accomplish my work. We may think our process is barely perceptible, but it is incremental. Our good works add up to our life’s work. As Justice Sandra Day O’Connor said: “Get it done.” Beginning is half finished (a useful mantra).

We’re always satisfied when we set ourselves up for success, accomplishing something worthwhile. Let more light lure you into greater productivity and human connection.

Here’s another quote from my book:

The dying of the light at the winter solstice brought about many rituals and myths by which ancient men and women reconciled the terrors of nature with reason and hope. Rituals have symbolic and psychological roots — they calm fears; the pagans were the first to light trees in the dark of winter. We, too, should make winter solstice rituals — light candles, fires and lamps to add gaiety and cheerfulness to the dark side of our year.

What are some of your comforting traditions and decorations that shine radiant light on winter? What are some things you enjoy during this time of year that increase your vitality and gratitude? What do you do to uplift you? For me, it’s the sound of music. I have always enjoyed musicals, and now I’m enjoying going to cabarets. The live entertainment with professional musicians transports me into a lively, passionate and often deeply touching state of being.

I have zero gifts for music. In boarding school, I sang in an “off keys group.” I am simply an appreciator. With music, each of us knows when we are emotionally stirred, when we feel good, tingling with delight. When a singer has a good, clean sense of humor, eliciting a genuine belly laugh, I’m delighted, and when the performers are good, I’m excited to show my praise and appreciation. Audiences respond in kind with standing ovations. “Encore! Bravo. Bravo.”

When there is this magical, mysterious bond between the talent and the patrons, it increases our awareness of this critically important support and encouragement by the opening of our hearts.

Nostalgic Music

Being open to any musical adventure, a friend and I went to the Ivorytown Playhouse in Ivorytown, Connecticut, to a sold-out performance of Million Dollar Quartet Christmas. Some of us are old enough to picture ourselves in Memphis, Tennessee, 70 years ago in a recording studio with Elvis Presley, Jerry Lee Lewis, Carl Perkins and Johnny Cash.

Their song list transported me back to my teenage years by reviving a rock ’n’ roll Christmas. Elvis sang “Blue Christmas.” All the actors were in their element with an excellent drummer, bassist and a female singer accompanying them.

We are all products of the time we live. It’s great fun to be reminded of the voices that bent my ear and made my heart throb in the 1950s. Having these popular singers alive on stage in front of us, belting out “I’ll Be Home for Christmas,” “Jingle Bells,” “Silent Night,” “Go Tell It on the Mountain,” “Home for the Holidays” and “O Christmas Tree” was simply thrilling.

The artistic director of the O’Neill, John McDaniel, put together five nights of different artists who are all award-winning talents. The third night, his friend of 30 years, Debbie Gravitte, performed for the first time on stage with her adorable, handsome son Sam. The tenderness and bond between them were palpable. When they sang duets, my heart melted. I was enthralled, enraptured and moved to tears.

As a bonus, John was at the piano and introduced a new song to a most enthusiastic audience. All the lyrics were touching and beautifully presented. The most poignant, moving words were “Songs are like a candle in the window.” In the still, dark silence of winter, I love the sweet sentiment of the connection of a candle in the window and a song being so tenderly intertwined. The audience joined in the fun with a sing-along of “Jingle Bells,” “Joy to the World,” “Silent Night,” “Deck the Halls” and “O Come, All Ye Faithful.” Indeed, we collectively felt joyful and triumphant, full of good cheer and gratitude for another inspiring, splendid evening of holiday music, humor and fun. Sheer delight!

Another blessing is that by arriving early, we were able to sit in the front row with an unobstructed view of the piano players. In addition to absorbing the lovely sounds, we were able to observe their magic at the keyboard that added a significant dimension. By my exposure of being so close to the artist, I’ve acquired a greater appreciation for the pianists who perform as an accompaniment to the singers. In between the vocals, when we see and experience a brief, solo piano presentation, it becomes abundantly clear how passionate and dedicated they are to their art. As with John, most cabaret piano players also love to sing. There is music in their soul, and they naturally express the depth of their feelings.

Colette Maze, a French woman who died at 109, learned to play the piano at age 4 but didn’t start recording her music until she was in her 80s. In a New York Times obituary, she was quoted as saying, “As soon as I get up, I start playing the piano to connect with the forces of life.”

A few years ago, according to the article, she told NPR, “I always preferred composers who gave me tenderness. Music is an affective language, a poetic language.”

Music arouses our feelings. Because it’s emotional, it has a powerful effect on our mood. In her words: “In music there is everything — nature, emotion, love, revolt, dreams; it’s like a spiritual food.”

Music engages the part of our brain that processes emotions and memories. The pleasure we experience when listening to and singing music affects the reward centers in the brain. This is why the sound of music we love transports us, enlivening our spirits, reducing stress and hypertension. Music is a gift we can give ourselves.

The Norwegian writer John Fosse recently received the Nobel Prize in Literature. He was once an atheist but converted to Catholicism, and he believes that the ultimate exists beyond words. In a New York Times article, his editor said Fosse’s religious beliefs are deeply felt, but he is not didactic. He’s not trying to convert his readers. “It’s just about being open to the mysteries of life.”

As a child, Fosse never intended to be a writer. He was more interested in rock music, but at age 14, he stopped playing and listening to music and begin writing poems and stories. For the past 40 years, his rhythmic words and repetition somehow maintain a connection to his early love of music. Everything is connected in ways we often don’t understand.

Fosse said he never planned a story or poem in advance, “but when the words just tumbled out, he started to wonder where it all came from.” That’s when he became interested in religion, bringing “a kind of reconciliation, or peace,” into his writing.

In the mid-1990s, he started writing plays. The article quoted Milo Rau, one of Europe’s most acclaimed theater directors, as saying that in some parts of Europe, they’re “gripped by ‘Fosse hype.’”  

“The theater scene was overwhelmed by his spirituality, minimalist, seriousness, melancholy,” Rau said, adding that his plays “felt completely new and out of time.”

I anticipate one of the experimental contemporary theaters in Rhode Island will soon stage one of his productions.

In the pouring rain, Brooke drove to pick me up at 6:30 a.m. to take the train to New York City for a day. Although we’d planned the date weeks ahead, a severe storm swept into the Northeast with heavy flooding and 50-mile-an-hour winds. The night before, she called me to cancel because the storm alerts seemed dire. Blessedly, the forecast changed overnight. The updated weather called for sunny skies in the city by 10 a.m.! Wow! Just minutes before we needed to leave for the train, Brooke called. “Let’s go. Now or never.”

Christmas may well be the most wonderful time of the year, but we all know it can be a frantic time. Our hot date was a birthday present to have a “groove” together in the city. I vividly remember when Alexandra left for her freshman year at Connecticut College. I asked Brooke, “Where would you like to go on your next ‘groove’?” Her immediate response was, “Paris, of course.”

Our grooves have always been memorably pleasant experiences, doing things together of mutual interest. Often our grooves are time sensitive because of an art exhibition or theater run. Because these opportunities can never be duplicated, they are priceless. Time is the most valuable thing we have on this earthly journey. When we seize the day, we enliven our life force. All our peak memories can be eternally cherished and visualized in our conscious minds.

Brooke and I fantasized that we took a train to Paris from the country to attend an exciting art exhibition of early works of Matisse. Dreams come true. For a day, New York was transported into Paris! The Metropolitan Museum of Art held a thrilling exhibition, Vertigo of Color: Matisse, Derain and the Origins of Fauvism. Fauvism is an early 20^th century movement in painting begun by a group of French artists that is marked by their use of simplified forms and vivid colors.

One small Matisse took my breath away. In the town of Collioure, in the South of France, two artists painted their hearts out in the summer of 1905. “My Matisse” is of boats in the harbor with dashes of red, pink, blue, green and yellow. We view the water from open French doors with plants framing this magical moment of sparkling light and effervescent colors throbbing with life. Fauvism became Matisse’s support of his life’s work. “Fauve painting is not everything,” he said, “but it is the foundation of everything.” Every time I view an art exhibition, I always fall in love with one painting I bring home in my heart.

Brooke and I left the museum feeling we’d been on a pilgrimage, because the paintings we experienced exalted our imagination to a transcendental awareness. We took a taxi to a favorite brasserie, Match 65, on East 65^th Street and savored being in an authentic French restaurant with sublime food. Our hearts and minds were full of inspiration and our bellies were happily sated. Our day in “Paris” was simply sublime.

Words have meaning. Know me by my words. When we use our words thoughtfully, we’re able to express our true selves intimately. Elissa chooses one word for each new year. When one year comes to an end, we have a fresh new beginning, an opportunity to turn over a new leaf to improve our character. She told me over our Christmas lunch that her word for 2024 is healing, while 2023 was care. (Note from Elissa: After reading the wonderful words on the following list, I might change my word for 2024 to transformation! Thanks for inspiring me!)

I don’t believe in New Year’s resolutions because they set self-defeating goals that move the goalpost to unattainable reality. Selecting a word — only one word — makes us focus on what we personally and collectively want to manifest in our lives. Inspired by thoughts of self-reflection, we can take stock of our lives, giving us a chance to set our intentions mindfully. What do we intend to concentrate on as we enter into the unknown next chapter? My word for 2024 is harmonious.

I had fun asking what my friends’ and acquaintances’ one word was for the year 2024. My direct question was a request: one word. No other directive given. Some people refused to choose a word because they were caught off guard. I didn’t want them to be self-conscious. Each person’s word would be anonymous to the readers because I was looking for an extemporaneous answer.

As a result, those who didn’t respond spontaneously are not included in the list below. Hope and love were the most popular words for this new year, 2024. Please send me your one word. We can look at our lives and see areas of growth, assessing places that are in need of greater clarity and attention. Let’s plan to do this every year!